A Letter to My Love

image

Steven...self-portrait February 2015

image

Steven & I on our wedding day...December 18th 2009

This might be a bit of a ramble so…forgive me.

Recently I heard something that really struck me…that marriage is about forgiveness. I know that in life it is crucial if we’re ever to move forward… but I, funnily enough, hadn’t thought too much about how it applies to marriage as a whole. Now looking back on the 5 years I’ve been married and almost 7 years together, I know its’ truth…through my bones.

I can be a real jerk sometimes and last night I was one. I said something really insensitive to my hubby which hurt his feelings. It was even more insensitive because I know he’s going through a difficult time presently.

I’m not feeling too hot myself. The weather is really driving me and as I live with depression now is just the worst time of year for me. I’m done. I’m waaaay over this ‘polar vortex record breaking temperatures’ we’re experiencing. Hello weather rage! And I took it out on him when he least needs that.

Yes he will forgive because that’s who he is. But I hate that I hurt him. I’m pissed at myself for not putting my own shit aside in order to be more kind and supportive to him. I’ve been up my own ass and for this I am truly sorry my love.

You have done and continue to do so much for your family. You are a good man. So loving, sensitive and compassionate… creative, funny, supportive and genuine. I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life. And I tell you this in all truth you will find your way despite recent disappointments. You will because that’s who you are. You are no one else, you dig?

It seems as if it’s been one thing after another and, well, it kinda has been. I believe everyone has a really shit time in their lives and these past few years has been our “shit time”. Yet that just means, to me, there is hope that it will get better. I believe in you, I believe in us and together we will get through this despite the interruptions of emotion…at times despair.

So…forgiveness. I think the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Let’s forgive ourselves and move forward towards the light we know is there…it’s not just possible it’s probable. Honestly? Your happiness means more to me than my own. We’ll figure it out together…and even though it might feel like it, you are not alone baby…you are never alone.

All my heart,
Julia

image

Side by Side

Advertisements

24 thoughts on “A Letter to My Love

  1. mojoshawn says:

    Unfortunately, people (including myself) can be the meanest to those closest. I’m the same way in that I’m always the last one to forgive myself, if I ever do. Hey, Julia…your human. Stuff happens. Spoil him, and you, a bit by doing something fun together.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sheldonk2014 says:

    This is how we grow
    The pains and sorrows of life are for not
    They are lessons we need to learn

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally relate as I have been there too often. Self forgiveness is very hard but so necessary!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sean Mungin says:

    It is definitely difficult to forgive ourselves…especially after the reality of how much of jerk we have been to others who did not deserve it.But the weight that lifts from upon our shoulders once we do makes it well worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope things get better for you. All the best. Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

  6. What a loving hubby you have hunni! I know weather and your depression affect you a lot and Steve knew it very well. That’s why he will always choose to forgive you. His unconditional love is always there for you. But, you are totally right. It’s hard to forgive ourselves sometimes, but forgiveness is love. We must love ourselves before anyone. Sending you lots of good vibes and positivities now! Love you xoxoxo Khloe โค

    Liked by 1 person

  7. suesuzzz says:

    I can relate to this..I can at times be mean and not mean it really at all just like an out burst I get so upset and I hurt so I think one want the other to feel there pain as well…??? just my take on it…and I think this weather is playing a big role on others as well…I know today is a rough day for all in our house…not fun…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Julia Manuel says:

      Yes I agree with your take…misery loves company and all that…though like you said not intentionally. Sorry it’s been a rough day…i feel your pain sister!

      Liked by 1 person

      • suesuzzz says:

        it sure does gurl..no need to be sorry i understand… hang tough as much as you can and we will catch up more soon..may need to lay down myself..don’t know…but hey it is ok….

        Liked by 1 person

        • Julia Manuel says:

          Took a nap earlier…coulda slept all afternoon lol

          Liked by 1 person

          • suesuzzz says:

            OH I can relate oh so much..with my lupus and fibro and injuries shall i go on haha when i have a flare or something decides to act up i get chronic fatigue and i am so tired and want to stay in bed but my mind is racing or that i do not have the time to lay down since i have other things that have to get done so no win at times…lol..fun times…lol..all the dr tell me to listen to my body so when i need to rest they said rest and they know the stress i am under and all that i do but anyways… i know with depression sometimes you have to force yourself out of bed i have it and know the difference between a flare and depression so i keep watch since i do not want to get anymore depressed at times…so rest if you need to …take care of yourself grasschopper lol….

            Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s