This might be a bit of a ramble so…forgive me.
Recently I heard something that really struck me…that marriage is about forgiveness. I know that in life it is crucial if we’re ever to move forward… but I, funnily enough, hadn’t thought too much about how it applies to marriage as a whole. Now looking back on the 5 years I’ve been married and almost 7 years together, I know its’ truth…through my bones.
I can be a real jerk sometimes and last night I was one. I said something really insensitive to my hubby which hurt his feelings. It was even more insensitive because I know he’s going through a difficult time presently.
I’m not feeling too hot myself. The weather is really driving me and as I live with depression now is just the worst time of year for me. I’m done. I’m waaaay over this ‘polar vortex record breaking temperatures’ we’re experiencing. Hello weather rage! And I took it out on him when he least needs that.
Yes he will forgive because that’s who he is. But I hate that I hurt him. I’m pissed at myself for not putting my own shit aside in order to be more kind and supportive to him. I’ve been up my own ass and for this I am truly sorry my love.
You have done and continue to do so much for your family. You are a good man. So loving, sensitive and compassionate… creative, funny, supportive and genuine. I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life. And I tell you this in all truth you will find your way despite recent disappointments. You will because that’s who you are. You are no one else, you dig?
It seems as if it’s been one thing after another and, well, it kinda has been. I believe everyone has a really shit time in their lives and these past few years has been our “shit time”. Yet that just means, to me, there is hope that it will get better. I believe in you, I believe in us and together we will get through this despite the interruptions of emotion…at times despair.
So…forgiveness. I think the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Let’s forgive ourselves and move forward towards the light we know is there…it’s not just possible it’s probable. Honestly? Your happiness means more to me than my own. We’ll figure it out together…and even though it might feel like it, you are not alone baby…you are never alone.
All my heart,